TERMS OF ENDEARMENT

It being the time of year when the year has nearly had its time, Facebook is full of those messages in which people tell you why they love you.  So I think a little reciprocation is in order.  I thereby dedicate this post to my wide circle of friends, without many of whom I would have found it so much more difficult to get through (yet another) annus horribilis. (And I’m not even related by marriage to Camilla Parker Bowles).

From the lovely Miranda in Nice who, on hearing the latest terrible twist in the life of NiceEtoile, put her arms around me, grinned and exclaimed, in a caring way: ‘Your life’s shit!’, to Cordelia, who always raves about my terrible cooking, and who has been there for me since we met decades ago at music college, together with an assortment of more recently-acquired close friends, not to mention sometimes fleeting encounters with people who have all enriched my life in some way or another.  Forgive me if I don’t list your names here, but you are deeply appreciated and You Know Who You Are.

You’re my friend because:-

1.  You run very fast and always catch up with me when I try to escape.

2.  You’re dyslexic and didn’t spot that I really wrote ‘You’re my fiend’.

3.  I suspect you have George Clooney’s number.

4.  You picked up the chips for me when they were down.  (Sorry for knocking them off your plate).

5.  You make me laugh.  (That outfit you wore the other night at dinner being an excellent example).

6.  Your IT skills are so bad, they make even me seem as if I’m the natural heir to Steve Jobs.

7.  You’re the kind of person to have a life-size cardboard cut-out of Captain Scarlett in your bedroom. (I really do have a friend who has a life-size cardboard cut-out of Captain Scarlett in her bedroom).

8.  I didn’t realize when you were offering me your shoulder to cry on about the breakdown of my marriage, you were in fact pumping me for information so you could start an affair with my husband.  (I really did have a friend who offered me her shoulder to cry on about the breakdown of my marriage in order to pump me for information so she could start an affair with my husband).

9.  I haven’t yet killed you with my cooking.

10. You laugh at my jokes.  Even when I’m not joking.

Thank you, all.  Apart from the woman in No. 8, who was also the recipient of top brand luxury lacy lingerie from my husband, whilst he only bought me cheap, scratchy stuff.

Bitter???  What do you mean, bitter???  I’m only saying shooting her in front of her family is too good for her…<BREATHES HEAVILY, DRIBBLES, IS LED BACK TO HER ROOM WITH THE LOVELY PADDED WALLPAPER>

Hope I contribute to your lives in the way you’ve contributed to mine.  (Apart from you, B*tch No. 8, who had the selfishness to eventually marry a man I didn’t even fancy.  <SPITS>)

Happy Christmas one and (nearly) all.

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About notniceetoile

I'm a freelance comedy writer, now living in Brighton after a few years in London, having relocated back to the UK in 2011 after a couple of years of adventures on the Cote D'Azur. Check out my blog about life in Nice:- http://drivingoverexpats.blogspot.com/ and my political satire blog:- http://amuzenewz.com/2013/01/28/passport-to-paradise/ Available for weddings (3 to date) and barmitzvahs (0 - I'm a girl, duh).

Posted on December 27, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. You had added a joy to my life I never knew existed….and where the hell is Bob…?

  2. thats have not ermm had ..oops.x

    • Funnily enough, the name Bob might well be apposite here. :/ Though obviously not if Bob was reading this. (Not the same Bob as your husband, I promise you. Although, would anything surprise me these days??? At any rate, I’m sure to be the last to know. Which I’m certain will make you feel better).

      And you, too, have added sprinkles of delight to my life, Lisa. And I’m not talking E numbers.

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