REVUE OF THE YEAR (For everyone’s a comedian)
And as David Cameron’s excessively affluent banker friends groan under the collective weight of their New Year gongs (never heard of ‘honours amongst thieves’???) and the looters of the underclass schedule the inexorable 2012 riots into their stolen iPhones, it’s time for NotNiceEtoile’s Awards of the Year.
NOTNICEETOILE’S AWARDS OF THE YEAR
BEST USE OF A BOTTOM AT A ROYAL WEDDING
(At least, this is the one I can tell you about)
BEST USE OF THE WORD ‘ORPHAN’
Her Majesty The Queen
‘Of course, family does not necessarily mean blood relatives, but is orphan a description of a community, organisation or nation’.
[For my overseas readers, this is known as The Queen’s English. And you thought she was German.]
All the dead ones
BEST WORST PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE
Rick Perry, Michelle Bachmann, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich
(Come back Sarah Palin. At least she was funny in a not funny kind of a way)
BEST EMBARRASSMENT TO THE ROYAL FAMILY
The 2011 prize is shared between Prince Andrew (for Cucumber Sandwich Services at Buckingham Palace to Murderous Dictators and Dodgy Arms Dealers)
Mike Tindall (for Services to Lager, Vindaloo and a Crude Non-Mechanical Airbourne Transportation System for Dwarves)
BEST EXCUSES FOR NOT READING VITAL EMAILS PROPERLY
My sister’s trombone fell on my head and gave me wobbly legs
My stepmother hit me in the face with with a cream pie
A giant rabbit ate my credibility. Honest.
I’ve just been diagnosed as syledixc
I’m Scorpio with Stupid Rising
I was eating jelly
Well done to all! May you build on your efforts above in 2012, with my hope that your just rewards will come to you…
HAPPY NEW YEAR!