REVUE OF THE YEAR (For everyone’s a comedian)

And as David Cameron’s excessively affluent banker friends groan under the collective weight of their New Year gongs (never heard of ‘honours amongst thieves’???) and the looters of the underclass schedule the inexorable 2012 riots into their stolen iPhones, it’s time for NotNiceEtoile’s Awards of the Year.

NOTNICEETOILE’S AWARDS OF THE YEAR

BEST USE OF A BOTTOM AT A ROYAL WEDDING

Pippa Middleton

(At least, this is the one I can tell you about)

BEST USE OF THE WORD ‘ORPHAN’

Her Majesty The Queen

Of course, family does not necessarily mean blood relatives, but is orphan a description of a community, organisation or nation’.

[For my overseas readers, this is known as The Queen’s English.  And you thought she was German.]

BEST DICTATOR

All the dead ones

BEST WORST PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

Four-way tie:-

Rick Perry, Michelle Bachmann, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich

(Come back Sarah Palin.  At least she was funny in a not funny kind of a way)

BEST EMBARRASSMENT TO THE ROYAL FAMILY

The 2011 prize is shared between Prince Andrew (for Cucumber Sandwich Services at Buckingham Palace to Murderous Dictators and Dodgy Arms Dealers)

and

Mike Tindall (for Services to Lager, Vindaloo and a Crude Non-Mechanical Airbourne Transportation System for Dwarves)

BEST EXCUSES FOR NOT READING VITAL EMAILS PROPERLY

James Murdoch

including:-

My sister’s trombone fell on my head and gave me wobbly legs

My stepmother hit me in the face with with a cream pie

A giant rabbit ate my credibility.  Honest.

I’ve just been diagnosed as syledixc

 I’m Scorpio with Stupid Rising

I was eating jelly

*

Well done to all!  May you build on your efforts above in 2012, with my hope that your just rewards will come to you…

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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About notniceetoile

I'm a freelance comedy writer, now living in Brighton after a few years in London, having relocated back to the UK in 2011 after a couple of years of adventures on the Cote D'Azur. Check out my blog about life in Nice:- http://drivingoverexpats.blogspot.com/ and my political satire blog:- http://amuzenewz.com/2013/01/28/passport-to-paradise/ Available for weddings (3 to date) and barmitzvahs (0 - I'm a girl, duh).

Posted on December 31, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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